Somehow, crazily, the two go together.
By me being in the states I am, in some respect, rejecting Ug.
By going back to Ug, I am somehow rejecting home.
Ug I love free...no history, no ties, no vulnerability.
US I love with much history, ties and vulnerability.
Both places I have rejected. However, I have felt very rejected here in the states.
I get quickly excited to be back in Ug, happy, joyful, free and different.
And then I see the ones I love here in so much pain and I know, for some, if I stay, they see Christ, some don't. I immediately feel exhausted thinking of being at home. I feel dragged...seems like a cup of coffee does the trick...but that would require me to drink a cup at every meal for me to have the energy. I exercise and eat well but the sheer exhaustion and just heaviness is there. I just want to run back to Ug.
I say, outloud and in my head, "God I can't stay here, it is too hard and it is a daily fight." How can being home feel like such a battle day in and day out but living in a war-torn country doesn't?
So rejection. Been wrapping my head around that one, too.
Instead of being hurt or somber or destroyed by it, I choose to wake up each morning ready and about to just love ESPECIALLY in the rejection. See, this world doesn't know that love unrejects you. Yes, I said unrejects. I know what it feels to be rejected and don't want that on ANYONE.
I love Tegot. I love Cjay. I love Team Gulu. I love Karla. I love Laker. I love Noah. I love Evelyn. I love Mo. I love Aol. I love Bob. I love Simon. I love my church. I love Mary. I love Jen. I love Christine. I love Alex. I love Pato. I love my mom. I love Margaret. I love Krystin. I love Monica. I love Mar. I love Jeniffer. I love Uganda. I love WI.
All those above, and more, are ALL worth fighting for...standing in the gap for...laughing, smiling, crying...being. Just absolute loving them. And here is the crazy thing: I have rejected each one of those people - some super seriously...some a little. Regardless, I have rejected them. That can't be. Gotta love....just gotta.
Exhaustion will come. Excitement will come. But God is ALWAYS there. He calls me to be ever present exactly where I am.
So as I am living a life trying to grasp and embrace love and defy rejection, I will stick with this:
Today, I am in _________. I love where I am.
God would have me no other place.
I go when He says so. I will not long for something not within my reach. I will be content in whatever circumstance I will be in.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is a HUGE step of faith. But heck, if our God is for us, then who can be against us?
1 comment:
We are ambassadors for Christ, so while we are in this world we are not a part of it or subject to it. We belong to a different Kingdom...the Kingdom of God. We have dominion and power over this natural world because of who we are in our Lord Jesus Christ. We are the head and not the tail. We are above and not beneath....because we have the holy spirit of the living God living inside of us. Jesus said we would do even greater works on this earth than he did because we have the holy spirit and Jesus is at the right hand of the Father...praise God. We are aliens no matter where we are located on this planet....we are called to do the work of Jesus each day and show the world who He is wherever we are...how blessed you are Christine to have so many people in your life to minister the love of Christ to. God is using you mightily for His Kingdom...Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done ON EARTH as it is in heaven.....YOU ARE AWESOME!
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