Mess maker

(To the tune of "Red Rover")

"Mess maker, mess maker
Let CHRISTINE make a big mess!"

Let me preface in saying, I still am 100% confident of my decision this past weekend. No doubt.

But I feel like somehow I created a bit of chaos, pain and confusion in some lives. I am not sure if the relationships I had with people, some directly and some indirectly involved, will ever be the same.

And now it is 3am and I am missing Ug so bad. So, so very bad. Hearing Simon's voice (like that Acholi accent had to be clarified with "This is Simon from Uganda, Gulu.")and getting emails from Ug folk is making the longing to go back heavy again on my heart.

I know I am supposed to be here....I know I am supposed to be there. I know God's will is being perfectly laid out in front of me. I know I am being obedient each day. I know I must allow Him to have influence through my life wherever I go.

Yet, each day I am asking for the assignment He has for me and what I must do. Seeing a day makes it easier than to ask for a lifetime of mapping. I have no clue what will be in my path a week from now. I have never been in a situation where I don't where I am going or what I am to do. I've bee playing with the notion of a nomadic life since I no longer feel tied to a "home" per se...but to now kinda live a life where I am not sure exactly where or what to do - just WHO to follow, is an interesting path to take.

All I know at 3am is that I absolutely love the people of my hometown and I absolutely love the people of Gulu/Tegot.

Here is the million dollar question:
Why can't they be closer together, on the same continent, safe?

All I want to do right now, is get a book, sit on the floor and just have kids sit around me, maybe one or two in my lap on a papyrus mat, and read to them and maybe pass out a few hugs. (SUNDAY!!! ANENA!!! ERIK!! KWO-BER!! WINNIE!!) Then I want to go into the village and see the mom's, hear their Acholi cries, hug, laugh, sing, pray, learn God's Word, and eat some amazing odii, gwana, boo and malakwan. I want to drive in the bush. I want to wave to the kiddos. I want to collect water. I want to dig. I want to smile. I want.....

He doesn't lay things on your heart to want if it isn't from Him....right?

There are other things I want....but right now at 3am I want to Tegot.....