...and it's stirring something within me.
I admittedly have avoided serious Ugandan talk in about a year, mostly, because it is hard for me to understand my life the past two years. Not bad at all, just not what I imagined. Anyways....
checked out Invisible Children's new documentary called "Koney 2012".
It lit a fire in my heart for God, for evangelizing, for the Church....
the Church...
it has been a loooooooooooooong time since my heart desired the Church. Many factors that lead to one thing: lack of passion.
I could go into the details - those of you who know what has been going on with me probably could guess a few things....but other than that it really doesn't make sense to go into it.
I just stopped loving the Church because I didn't see or feel love from the Church anymore.
Sarah, Ashley, Melissa, Jill.....you know what I am talking about.
The rest of you....maybe.
I desire the fire for people to come to know the LORD.
I desire to be with the LORD's presence and hear His voice.
I desire to experience the Holy Spirit's breath.
I desire to be and follow God's will at ALL times.
I desire to be near God.
I desire the kingdom to EXPLODE.
I desire the difference that the Church makes.....
Please God, don't let this little fire burn out...keep it aflame and burning richer, deeper and into the marrow of this soul....
I haven't felt like this in a long time....
I want to feel this for a long time...
I need You back...
...here...
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Dreams...
I was driving a Trolley Car on the roads of Gulu just trying to find my way back to all the people who shared joy, love, and peace with me.
As I parked the Trolley far away from the home so I wouldn't get stuck, I walked into the compound.
There I saw and ran to friends who I have not see in a year and a half...Kent, Becky, Sarah, Ashley....people who were really some of the most influential people in my life.
How I miss them.
Just saying...
I thought I knew where my life was going and I feel like where I am today, is so not what I thought it would be. Not saying it is bad or anything, it just isn't what I had thought. It is very odd to think this is my life now. Again, not bad, but just so different from what I dreamt. Wondering if dreams really are dreams or just spaces of time to fill until you get to where you are supposed to be.
Just saying....
As I parked the Trolley far away from the home so I wouldn't get stuck, I walked into the compound.
There I saw and ran to friends who I have not see in a year and a half...Kent, Becky, Sarah, Ashley....people who were really some of the most influential people in my life.
How I miss them.
Just saying...
I thought I knew where my life was going and I feel like where I am today, is so not what I thought it would be. Not saying it is bad or anything, it just isn't what I had thought. It is very odd to think this is my life now. Again, not bad, but just so different from what I dreamt. Wondering if dreams really are dreams or just spaces of time to fill until you get to where you are supposed to be.
Just saying....
Monday, September 20, 2010
Will you be judged?
Take a looky here and tell me what stands out:
Psalm 1
BOOK ONE
The Way of the Righteous and the Wicked
Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.
What got you?
Wanna know what stuck out for me?
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
So the wicked, those who are not followers of Him, will not be judged. Hmmm...
They won't be judged because they will automatically be tossed away, set apart from Him and destroyed automatically because they will not have.....
Someone to defend them.
I just think, what if I were to go before a judge and had no lawyer? No defender? I wouldn't know the first thing on how to defend myself....I mean I know basic laws, but the ins and outs, the rules, the regulations? Sheesh! No way dude! I would ramble something off, sit down, cry and the judge would just say, "Toss her!" I would have no way to defend myself because I have no clue how to, or what exactly I would need to defend myself from. The judge would have a list of stuff on me and I am sure I would have at least half of it forgotten because I would be so focused on a few of them I was sure I didn't do. YIKES!!
So...I would be tossed with nothing to spare...no thought to it....no time in front of a judge to even get the opp to BE JUDGED.
Unless, I had a lawyer who was willing to bat for me...someone who believed that I was worth fighting for. Who would say "Yes, we know what she did, but we can still let her be part of this society by ___." He would find a way for me to get some consequences but overall, not be tossed like trash, but rather be redeemed.
Yes, you know where this is going...
Jesus is THE lawyer. THE defender.
He does that.
If He isn't your Redeemer, Saviour, Friend and LORD, God the Father will not even look at your case. He will just toss it out - no one to plead your case? You must and HAVE to deserve what is coming at you and no freedom for you. No time for mess, no time to even judge to see if there is a case. Just toss it out. Let you fend for yourself out there in the battle - let the bad and ugly get you, cuz the Good ain't gonna give two hoots about you cuz you are not part of that side....you are "one of them".
But choose the redemption of Jesus, the LORDship of him over your life, knowing He took it for you and STILL defends you to His Father....trust Him and let Him by His Holy Spirit rule, guide, direct, comfort and be in you, His Father will see His Son in you rather than the mess you really are.
Then at that time, God sees that there is someone before Him with a Defender. And He sees this case is worth trying, worth working on, worth redeeming, worth the new life that can be offered. Ya, consquences will occur, but it is worth it, cuz once the consequences are worked through...you still have a new life. He just needed you to see what it was worth...
Your life is worth it to Him. I mean, He took the punishment. Punishment is death.
So, do you want to be judged?
Looking at this bit of scripture puts a different spin to things in my head. Maybe it does to you...maybe it doesn't.
Here is one thing that got me:
I am going to be judged. I am going to be judged cuz I have a Defender
I CAN'T judge others...here is who REALLY can't be judged: those who don't know Jesus. No way. You can't shake your head, smack your lips, tsk tsk...nothing. They are tossable material right now. BUT I long for them to be redeemed. How can they be redeemed when they don't know who will protect them from this tossing? Must run full throttle towards those who are being tossed.
I see those who are about to be tossed....I promise they are worth gold, silver, jewels.....just they don't know that yet.
Let's show them how much they are worth.
Let's share with them our Defender....
Psalm 1
BOOK ONE
The Way of the Righteous and the Wicked
Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.
What got you?
Wanna know what stuck out for me?
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
So the wicked, those who are not followers of Him, will not be judged. Hmmm...
They won't be judged because they will automatically be tossed away, set apart from Him and destroyed automatically because they will not have.....
Someone to defend them.
I just think, what if I were to go before a judge and had no lawyer? No defender? I wouldn't know the first thing on how to defend myself....I mean I know basic laws, but the ins and outs, the rules, the regulations? Sheesh! No way dude! I would ramble something off, sit down, cry and the judge would just say, "Toss her!" I would have no way to defend myself because I have no clue how to, or what exactly I would need to defend myself from. The judge would have a list of stuff on me and I am sure I would have at least half of it forgotten because I would be so focused on a few of them I was sure I didn't do. YIKES!!
So...I would be tossed with nothing to spare...no thought to it....no time in front of a judge to even get the opp to BE JUDGED.
Unless, I had a lawyer who was willing to bat for me...someone who believed that I was worth fighting for. Who would say "Yes, we know what she did, but we can still let her be part of this society by ___." He would find a way for me to get some consequences but overall, not be tossed like trash, but rather be redeemed.
Yes, you know where this is going...
Jesus is THE lawyer. THE defender.
He does that.
If He isn't your Redeemer, Saviour, Friend and LORD, God the Father will not even look at your case. He will just toss it out - no one to plead your case? You must and HAVE to deserve what is coming at you and no freedom for you. No time for mess, no time to even judge to see if there is a case. Just toss it out. Let you fend for yourself out there in the battle - let the bad and ugly get you, cuz the Good ain't gonna give two hoots about you cuz you are not part of that side....you are "one of them".
But choose the redemption of Jesus, the LORDship of him over your life, knowing He took it for you and STILL defends you to His Father....trust Him and let Him by His Holy Spirit rule, guide, direct, comfort and be in you, His Father will see His Son in you rather than the mess you really are.
Then at that time, God sees that there is someone before Him with a Defender. And He sees this case is worth trying, worth working on, worth redeeming, worth the new life that can be offered. Ya, consquences will occur, but it is worth it, cuz once the consequences are worked through...you still have a new life. He just needed you to see what it was worth...
Your life is worth it to Him. I mean, He took the punishment. Punishment is death.
So, do you want to be judged?
Looking at this bit of scripture puts a different spin to things in my head. Maybe it does to you...maybe it doesn't.
Here is one thing that got me:
I am going to be judged. I am going to be judged cuz I have a Defender
I CAN'T judge others...here is who REALLY can't be judged: those who don't know Jesus. No way. You can't shake your head, smack your lips, tsk tsk...nothing. They are tossable material right now. BUT I long for them to be redeemed. How can they be redeemed when they don't know who will protect them from this tossing? Must run full throttle towards those who are being tossed.
I see those who are about to be tossed....I promise they are worth gold, silver, jewels.....just they don't know that yet.
Let's show them how much they are worth.
Let's share with them our Defender....
Update
Well, I said I might change the name of this and I did. Not out of disrespect for Ug, rather a respect and love for the Kingdom as a whole. That is where real hope lies.
I have been called out of Ug...for awhile...the awhile might a long while or a never back. Had to work on my heart on that. It saddened me, and God and I had many discussions, battles and questioning...but He comforted me and I now stand trusting Him and Him alone.
Sigh
A good sigh, but a sigh nonetheless.
That is the update. That is the story...for now.
Here is to the Kingdom!!!!!
I have been called out of Ug...for awhile...the awhile might a long while or a never back. Had to work on my heart on that. It saddened me, and God and I had many discussions, battles and questioning...but He comforted me and I now stand trusting Him and Him alone.
Sigh
A good sigh, but a sigh nonetheless.
That is the update. That is the story...for now.
Here is to the Kingdom!!!!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Questioning the bits that seem more like insanity....
I go by "gut" as the world calls it....but I call Him my God - Holy Spirit.
Things do not make sense to me. Time doesn't seem to be of the essence. Commitment is only to the Maker. Vision is to be accomplished and He speeds or slows down in matter of minutes to years. He calls, beckons....we are to answer. The table is set, all utensils, dinnerware, drinks and food laid out before after much preparation...stomachs growling for the good food to FINALLY enter and satisfy...
The table gets flipped over.
That isn't the meal to feast on.
I am not before my Maker...yet. That meal is to be satisfied before Him and Him alone...in His house.
I am not there.
My eyes are fixed on the kingdom.
I will question, I will ask, I will be confused - no doe-eyed, trying to make sense...when all I know is that I just need to press on. Listen. Obey. Trust. There will be times I will realize it is all worth it. ALL worth it.
A fake yawn covered the desire to sing-a-long. A three year old leading to the second pew in the front rather than in the back. Did I mention no difficulty in rising, what I anticipated a dragon but instead a gentlye lamb woke ready to follow? To go where He has been calling all along. To obey. To be prayed over. To hear "Amen".
My decision to not go back to Uganda full time is not something I can easily walk away from...but it is easy to run to the next call God has put before me.
I understand how parents want the best for their children...no, better yet, I understand why they want their children to be the best human beings in the whole wide world. God's best....and moreover, to be His and Him their's...to be fully engaged in a life serving Christ and knowing Him fully.
As the timing of Uganda and home have swapped places in priority, my heart, desire and love for God's kingdom in both places have not changed - rather, it has increased with a great urgency....great. Love is everywhere, anywhere - it is placed at the center right along Christ who is at the center...
And that, ladies and gentlemen, can be in the bush to city streets....
Things do not make sense to me. Time doesn't seem to be of the essence. Commitment is only to the Maker. Vision is to be accomplished and He speeds or slows down in matter of minutes to years. He calls, beckons....we are to answer. The table is set, all utensils, dinnerware, drinks and food laid out before after much preparation...stomachs growling for the good food to FINALLY enter and satisfy...
The table gets flipped over.
That isn't the meal to feast on.
I am not before my Maker...yet. That meal is to be satisfied before Him and Him alone...in His house.
I am not there.
My eyes are fixed on the kingdom.
I will question, I will ask, I will be confused - no doe-eyed, trying to make sense...when all I know is that I just need to press on. Listen. Obey. Trust. There will be times I will realize it is all worth it. ALL worth it.
A fake yawn covered the desire to sing-a-long. A three year old leading to the second pew in the front rather than in the back. Did I mention no difficulty in rising, what I anticipated a dragon but instead a gentlye lamb woke ready to follow? To go where He has been calling all along. To obey. To be prayed over. To hear "Amen".
My decision to not go back to Uganda full time is not something I can easily walk away from...but it is easy to run to the next call God has put before me.
I understand how parents want the best for their children...no, better yet, I understand why they want their children to be the best human beings in the whole wide world. God's best....and moreover, to be His and Him their's...to be fully engaged in a life serving Christ and knowing Him fully.
As the timing of Uganda and home have swapped places in priority, my heart, desire and love for God's kingdom in both places have not changed - rather, it has increased with a great urgency....great. Love is everywhere, anywhere - it is placed at the center right along Christ who is at the center...
And that, ladies and gentlemen, can be in the bush to city streets....
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sor-ray...?
In Gulu you pick up the "Sor-ray" bug...someone drops something, you say "sor-ray". Someone has a headache, you say "sor-ray". It just goes everywhere. Kinda funny.
I am also someone who always wants peace. Sometimes I look into it too much and say sorry for things I really don't need to in the eyes of others. Sometimes, I say it and it doesn't change anything. But I say it and don't really think about it in terms of it being needed or not...I just say it because I am compelled to because somewhere in me, I know it is warranted.
"When His parents saw Him, they were astonished, and His mother said to Him,
"Son, why have You treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously
searching for You."
"Why were you searching for Me?" He asked them. "Didn't you know that I had to be
in my Father's house?" But they did not understand what He said to them.
Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them. His
mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and
stature, and in favor with God and with people. ~ Luke 2: 48-52
Jesus was like 12 years old here. He was seperated from his earthly parents during a crazy festival time. After a day his parents realized he wasn't around when they left the city for home. They returned to the city only to find him three days later in the temple hashing it out with priests and scribes.
They were astonished to have found their boy and rightfully freaked out a bit. As a typical parent raising a close to teenage boy their response was "why did you do this to us?" Pretty much, why did you want to hurt us?
His response is classic Jesus - even at 12.
"You should have known where I was. You know who I am - regardless. I am the Son of God, therefore with my Father. Since I am the Son of God I am perfect and would never do anything disobedient, harmful or wrong. Why would you doubt me?"
Notice what he DIDN'T say?
"Oh, mom, dad, I am sorry - didn't mean to freak you out."
Jesus didn't say sorry. He didn't need to because his parents should have known better who he was and what his purpose was. To question it was completely forgetting everything they were told about who he was in the grand scheme of things - not just a 12 year old boy. Jesus could have said sorry; by our terms and expectations, he should have..but he is God, he didn't do anything wrong. He followed God's expectations, not man's...he was fully with God the Father and nowhere else. Nowhere else. With God. Not farting around like a teenage boy, but with God. If his parents were seperated from him, it wasn't like they couldn't find him...it would be obvious to where he would be.
So when Jesus is nowhere to be found, or seems distant, or we get a little confused, or a little disjointed from him...don't freak out. Don't expect him to say "sorry you couldn't find me...I mean I know where I have been this whole time, but since you forgot or didn't want to admit where I was, or just plain mad at me for where I was because that isn't where you wanted to go..." (and the excuses could go on and on...). He won't say sorry. God doesn't say sorry. He doesn't do anything wrong. It doesn't go the way we want or feel it needs to isn't his fault. It just isn't.
Jesus knew how his mother felt. Just imagine with me, after she pleaded with him asking why he would do this to her, he quietly jumped off the chair and just followed his parents out. No more discussion. And the kicker is, he then chose to remain obedient to his parents for the rest of his life. He chose...and he grew to be a man all could respect and found favor with not only man but with his Father.
And never once was it recorded that he said sorry...not once.
I am also someone who always wants peace. Sometimes I look into it too much and say sorry for things I really don't need to in the eyes of others. Sometimes, I say it and it doesn't change anything. But I say it and don't really think about it in terms of it being needed or not...I just say it because I am compelled to because somewhere in me, I know it is warranted.
"When His parents saw Him, they were astonished, and His mother said to Him,
"Son, why have You treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously
searching for You."
"Why were you searching for Me?" He asked them. "Didn't you know that I had to be
in my Father's house?" But they did not understand what He said to them.
Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them. His
mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and
stature, and in favor with God and with people. ~ Luke 2: 48-52
Jesus was like 12 years old here. He was seperated from his earthly parents during a crazy festival time. After a day his parents realized he wasn't around when they left the city for home. They returned to the city only to find him three days later in the temple hashing it out with priests and scribes.
They were astonished to have found their boy and rightfully freaked out a bit. As a typical parent raising a close to teenage boy their response was "why did you do this to us?" Pretty much, why did you want to hurt us?
His response is classic Jesus - even at 12.
"You should have known where I was. You know who I am - regardless. I am the Son of God, therefore with my Father. Since I am the Son of God I am perfect and would never do anything disobedient, harmful or wrong. Why would you doubt me?"
Notice what he DIDN'T say?
"Oh, mom, dad, I am sorry - didn't mean to freak you out."
Jesus didn't say sorry. He didn't need to because his parents should have known better who he was and what his purpose was. To question it was completely forgetting everything they were told about who he was in the grand scheme of things - not just a 12 year old boy. Jesus could have said sorry; by our terms and expectations, he should have..but he is God, he didn't do anything wrong. He followed God's expectations, not man's...he was fully with God the Father and nowhere else. Nowhere else. With God. Not farting around like a teenage boy, but with God. If his parents were seperated from him, it wasn't like they couldn't find him...it would be obvious to where he would be.
So when Jesus is nowhere to be found, or seems distant, or we get a little confused, or a little disjointed from him...don't freak out. Don't expect him to say "sorry you couldn't find me...I mean I know where I have been this whole time, but since you forgot or didn't want to admit where I was, or just plain mad at me for where I was because that isn't where you wanted to go..." (and the excuses could go on and on...). He won't say sorry. God doesn't say sorry. He doesn't do anything wrong. It doesn't go the way we want or feel it needs to isn't his fault. It just isn't.
Jesus knew how his mother felt. Just imagine with me, after she pleaded with him asking why he would do this to her, he quietly jumped off the chair and just followed his parents out. No more discussion. And the kicker is, he then chose to remain obedient to his parents for the rest of his life. He chose...and he grew to be a man all could respect and found favor with not only man but with his Father.
And never once was it recorded that he said sorry...not once.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Hope in the Kingdom
I think I might just change this blog's name to just that: "Hope in the Kingdom". If you can't find "Hope in Uganda" anymore, it is because of that...the hope comes only from the Kingdom...
Hope isn't just set for a place or a ministry. Hope isn't something that just happens. Hope isn't something.
Hope is everything, everywhere. The Spirit of God does not rest on only certain places.
Though it is "more" evident in some places and situations, it can be revealed and magnified in all places and situations. But peeling off the layers is the key...what are the layers that hinder the Kingdom?
We just have to be willing to expect it there...to want it here...to live for it everywhere.
Everyday...for real. However, it requires us to DAILY surrender our will, desires, dreams and exchange it for the Kingdom. Every little and big thing must be kingdom focused...from play to work.
Speaking of daily surrender isn't just a devotion or something you say...it is truly taking your heart's desire, your wants and your needs to the cross...but here is the catch...it is your life...not aspects of your life...but your whole life. From breathing to wanting AND needing this or that. A whole being and everything that encompasses that life.
100% dedication and commitment. Not 99.9%. Not 50%. Not 33%. Anything less than 100%...is not 100%. 2%=99.9%...not 100%
Hope in the Kingdom...ya, that is the place.
Daily...no, minute to minute surrender....second to second.
Changing the thought process...changing it.
Transforming it...
Conforming it to Christ.
Jesus, are you ready for someone to be completely latched on to You? Like a leech? Someone to nag You, question You, seek You, annoy You, be with You, take time for You, talk to You, spend every waking minute with You? Can You handle that? Boy, couldn't do that....but gonna do this with You...ready for the rollercoaster? Hope so...cuz it is happening....right about now......
Hope isn't just set for a place or a ministry. Hope isn't something that just happens. Hope isn't something.
Hope is everything, everywhere. The Spirit of God does not rest on only certain places.
Though it is "more" evident in some places and situations, it can be revealed and magnified in all places and situations. But peeling off the layers is the key...what are the layers that hinder the Kingdom?
We just have to be willing to expect it there...to want it here...to live for it everywhere.
Everyday...for real. However, it requires us to DAILY surrender our will, desires, dreams and exchange it for the Kingdom. Every little and big thing must be kingdom focused...from play to work.
Speaking of daily surrender isn't just a devotion or something you say...it is truly taking your heart's desire, your wants and your needs to the cross...but here is the catch...it is your life...not aspects of your life...but your whole life. From breathing to wanting AND needing this or that. A whole being and everything that encompasses that life.
100% dedication and commitment. Not 99.9%. Not 50%. Not 33%. Anything less than 100%...is not 100%. 2%=99.9%...not 100%
Hope in the Kingdom...ya, that is the place.
Daily...no, minute to minute surrender....second to second.
Changing the thought process...changing it.
Transforming it...
Conforming it to Christ.
Jesus, are you ready for someone to be completely latched on to You? Like a leech? Someone to nag You, question You, seek You, annoy You, be with You, take time for You, talk to You, spend every waking minute with You? Can You handle that? Boy, couldn't do that....but gonna do this with You...ready for the rollercoaster? Hope so...cuz it is happening....right about now......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)