First 6 words that come to mind.....

sick

counseling

sleeping

food

heat

heart


Wow...haven't written in awhile cuz things have been busy. Not a good excuse but I just crash when I am home.

First, it is such a blessing to have a roommate again!!

Second, throwing up doesn't always make things better. It might for a bit...but not this time....I felt like a fire hydrant....darn pineapple.

Third, there is a lot on my mind. Sleep has taken a back burner in my life. Not that I don't want it, but rather it doesn't want me. It is making me really weak, tempermental, irritable and not normal...luckily it stays mostly in my head...but still. Here is where God has prevailed. It definitely was a week of me ceasing to exist and letting Him take full control. He was my strength when I was weak. He was the words I couldn't speak. He was the heart when mine wouldn't beat. In that manner, I felt like I totally lived a life of resurrection. A life fully in the hands of the Creator...the only One who knows how intricately unique I am wired to know that it needs a rewire by His gracious hands.

Along that line, the counseling started this week. Mary and I started with our three parents that have asked for counseling/want to talk to us. Each one is so uniquely different. The stories and God's hand in each one is so unbelieveable. Each time I heard things I just thought to myself "God so wanted this to happen for His glory." My heart broke a lot...and I mean a lot. I had to contain myself. I had to try my hardest to erase the memories told to me at night so I could sleep.

The highlight of my week? Seeing Jennifer get super excited about learning how to write! We started on the alphabet...gave her stuff that I told her she could work on at home but she just busted out and started working on it right at our counseling! When Josephina stopped by Jennifer told her she was learning how to write so she could at least write her name...oh, girl, you will be able to write your name and then some!! To see her smile with such excitement and joy just made me smile.

I can't really share things on this counseling thing. It is a private matter. I so want to but I just can't. I want you to know how much these people are in pain yet want to BREAK free. How anything we can imagine isn't anything close to what they have gone through. Their hearts are YEARNING for the LORD to heal....they are desiring Him....they are drawing near to Him...step by step....and you know what it says when we draw near to God...He draws near to us.

I see them inching, step by step, closer to God. I see their eyes downcasted, walking with one side of their body angled off - not feeling adequate to fully face God face to face. I see them slouched over, shuffling their feet, breathing quick gasps of air just in case the next breath won't come to them. I see them with a huge shadow overcasting their souls. I see light vanished and darkness encircling....yet they move towards the light. Inch by inch. Soon, foot by foot. Soon, face to face.

To love people does mean to take their burdens...to walk alongside. To share the oxen load so the pain isn't all on them. Yet, as believers we are not take it but rather, lay it before Jesus. I don't think I ever fully understood walking alongside someone before. Now, I think I do. Just by listening, I am showing the hope of Christ. I am thanked for listening. I am thanked for being a mother.

My children are babies, children, teenagers and parents.

I did not come to be served, I came to serve.

I came to love.

I actually know what love is.

It is to do anything and everything regardless if you can do it or not. It is to beg at the feet of Jesus to please help you to help others. To give strength, wisdom, discernment and love where it just can't muster itself through.

It is to dedicate your life to the people He has asked you to love.

He asked me to love the Acholi.

I didn't understand that until now.

Oh is it a BEAUTIFUL and humbling thing.

God, who am I to love them? Who am I to do something, anything for You? Who am I to know what love is?

Maybe I shouldn't ask....maybe I should just accept it and know that You know what You are doing.....