Guacamole, Ghetto Car, Cold Pressed Coffee and Sadness

Monday, February 15

I feel like I am on a scale.

One side good.

One side sad.

Ate some delicious guac (not as good as mine – I know what you are thinking Curtis!!)…laughed so hard when Ashley said our car is ghetto…made some cold pressed REAL coffee.

And this morning is cool – reminds me of camping up north. It makes me excited to camp with my church family when I get back. SO EXCITED!!

I also had a great dream – it was like a video for “It is well with my soul” hymn. Very cool (maybe I could be a music video director/producer next! HA!) and really inspiring….so when I woke up the song has just been on my mind.
I feel all is well with my soul…such peace.

But sadness seems to surround the people I love and I am not sure how I really feel about it or how much I really want to say about it. I want to jump in and just scream – it will all be ok!! TRUST GOD!!! He gets us through it all!! But then I don’t want to sound like a cliché. I don’t. So what do you say so you don’t sound like it? What words actually comfort? Head knowledge doesn’t help. We know the basic truths, we know what is right, we know what we should feel…but do we? There is absolutely NOTHING I can say to change what someone is feeling. They have to go through hard times. Just have to. I remember when I felt like I was walking in absolute darkness, so scared, tired and sad. There was NOTHING ANYONE could do…except be patient with me. To let me go through it. To let me cross over from the darkness into the light…to just wait for me. Just wait.

But that was for me.

How do others go through it? How do you know what helps them?

A few years back, when I first became a Christian, a good friend at the time lost her father. I said something in terms of God stuff that she misinterpreted (or maybe I said it but I totally didn’t mean it the way she took it) and it is the one thing that I regret…it destroyed our friendship. We are cordial to one another, but it isn’t like it used to be. I know things happen for a reason, I know she forgives me, but it makes me VERY cautious on how I respond to someone’s anger…someone’s understanding of God in it all.

Holy Spirit.

How do I let Him take control MORE?! No, not more – COMPLETELY? How do I get out of the way? How do heed to the Spirit at all times? To where He controls my actions, my prayers, my words….so they no longer are mine?

I know He is asking me to pray more for His control over situations, lives, hearts…I know it. I see fruit from it. But how do I know it is fully being done to His desire?

Please pray for Simon – he lost his eldest brother yesterday.

Pray for my friend R. who is going through her own bit of hell and trying to see God through it.

LORD, I know You are going to take care of it all. I know it. You are good and faithful. How those two go hand in hand. LORD, so many needs…I have no clue how You do it, but thankfully You do. I thank You that You have used my own darkness so I can fully walk in light and KNOW it. I thank You that You are so beautiful and ever present. I thank You that You are the defender for the weak. I thank You that You do carry us on wings like eagles. LORD, teach me more how to heed to Your control…to Your will…to Your desire. Let none of my desires creep before You. Let me not cheat in life by seeking for myself….but rather let me win this long race completely honestly. Teach and tell me what to say….to do…to love.