Happy Birthday, Baby...I mean big girl, Sharon!!

Today, Baby Sharon turned one and is now Big Girl Sharon.
We had dinner together at Katerina's as a family (that is, Mary, Patrick, Sharon, Simon, Erik, Pato and me) and then went to Acholi Inn to have birthday cake and sodas.
Lots of pictures, lots of fun. Team Gulu is such a family it is crazy. I have to organize all the pics of Big Girl Sharon.

But now, as I sit down and reflect on the day, my heart is sore and I just want to cry. I just want to cry and cry - not big wails but just such desperation cry.

Sat next to Jennifer as she was holding her child probably for the second day in the row without a break. I hugged her. I then motioned for me to take Barbra so she could free her arms up a bit. As I was her holding her, craddling and praying so hard that God moves a miracle - she isn't getting better soon enough, I just felt more love for her and her mother. The same child who feared me a month ago was now in my arms snuggling her face under my neck....burning up. I just sang to her, prayed over her and just put my cheek on her little sweaty head begging God to heal her. We laid hands on her as a staff and prayed over her. As she squirmed and woke up a bit all confused we gave her a stuffed toy to play with and tried to make her smile. She squirmed to mom. When we transfered the kid I just held Jennifer in my arms. I leaned over towards her and she leaned back - head to head she just let me embrace her. She just need a literal shoulder to lean on. As I held her I started praying out loud....

Alimocan Gloria's mother, Monica, is getting sick again. The stresses of life are wearing her down. Her body, so petite and frail, is breaking down over and over again. Taking care of children, making charcoal to sell, and finding food to feed her family on her own is tearing her very soul apart. She is losing hope on feeling better.

Akello Christine was told she needs to give money to support her husband's family last funeral rite celebration...so she asked us to pay her for the two weeks of cooking this Saturday so she can give it to him. So she doesn't have money to feed her family.

Evelyn, Mama Laker, sits in a one room hut that acts like a sleeping area, kitchen and storehouse. Her husband packs all the beans in her hut while he gets to live in the nice big hut on the other side of camp with his other wife. Evelyn loves the children who aren't even hers...she is more affectionate than their real mother.

I don't know what to do. Praying, of course, but I just don't know what to do.

There are times I wish I could just concentrate on being with the mothers all the time. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with how much adminstration and other minstry work I have to do. My heart wants to walk side by side with these mothers. It is so hard when so many things, so many people are pulling me away from my true heart to serve. I love everything I do, but my heart is just wanting to be with the mothers...I want to start digging with them, cooking with them, talking with them, hearing them....and I need so much more time in the day....

Gathering sponsorship profiles is an amazing ministry...to meet all the guardians, to see the children light up with hope that someone might sponsor them is so unbelieveably cool.Kids whose profiles we just took this week are looking better, following us around, cleaning themselves up....even the little ones like my friend Lydia, who is 3, cleans up and asks her mother to bathe her so she can get her profile so she can go to school like her sponsored sister, Sharon.

Oh, God, I feel You tease me with loving so many people at the same time and not giving me enough time, energy, resources....my heart feels like a plastic baggie filled with water ready to burst. It feels heavy and drenched. I want to do the unthinkable of taking them from their homes to start over but I don't want to cause chaos...God, I want, I want...but in the end I need to get rid of I, and I am not sure or even able to do that!! I need so much of You right now...I need You to get rid of my anxious, over active heart, mind and actions and follow Your voice for Your direction. God, I easily feel stresed and anxious on this and my mind is racing with all the things I need to get done. LORD, create the perfect timing, the perfect schedule, the perfect appointment book. Let me take each day asking You - What do You want me to do today? And listen to the answer throughout the day. I ABSOLUTELY know You are in control and it will all work out in the end....but it is sitting in the middle of the whirlwind right now that my head is spinning and I need it to rest in You. As things are flying around, crashing about and falling apart, let me know, feel and walk in the fact that You are such an amazing God that You protect my mind and soul from distractions and weariness and into a state of trust, prayerfullness and joy in whatever comes my way. Your timing is wise and I accept that whatever happens Your eye is on it and Your arm is not too short to touch it. Here, let me hand over to You the tiniest little mustard seed my heart has produced and increase it to provide enough shade from the scorching sun and heat to all I come in contact with.